somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize