she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
