She's JV to your varsity
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
