Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
