My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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