there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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