A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
