I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
