the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
