my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
