It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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