Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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