i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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