Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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