so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
