He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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