we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
