probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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