Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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