loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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