Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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