Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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