I need help removing her.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
