I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
