yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
