I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
