Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
