Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
