Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
