No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
