I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
