how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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