It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize