ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
