my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
