Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His nipple licking is glorious
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