areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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