I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
