I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
