; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
