Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize