Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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