Pappa wants mamma naked
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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