ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
