Define "chronic" masturbator.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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