i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
