At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
