i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
