Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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