Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
