nut hugger
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize