I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
