I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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