My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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