I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
