I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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