we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
