none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
