i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
