All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
