I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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