morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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