I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize