Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize