i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize