Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
