So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
