I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Someone shattered a urinal.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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