i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
