took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
