I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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