Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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