I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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