I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
