I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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