my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
birth control should be required to get into college
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
