There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
