At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your cock deserves a montage
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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