we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
