Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize