I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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