We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
