I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
