porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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