hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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