I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
