I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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